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I see you this Mother's Day

For so many, this is a day to be spoiled and loved on and given maybe an ounce of the appreciation we deserve each day. And I love that my boys always spoil me well on Mother’s Day.

But many of us, myself included, also feel in equal measure, the pain of loss. No matter how many Mother’s Days go by, I still grieve the loss of the babies I never held this side of Heaven.

It’s inevitable that at some point, I will cry today. Maybe a few times. Sometimes just a choking back of the tears, with little water droplets appearing in my eyes. Other times, a full guttural cry from deep within that I cannot seem to control. I try, but it has to come out. My hope is always that it waits until I am home and alone, but it doesn’t always happen that way.

Church used to be such a special part of my Mother’s Day celebration, and I still go, but if they ask women to stand for the number of children they have, it always gets me. If I had carried my second baby to term, there is a good chance that I would not have had any more children. Two is what we had hoped for. And then the third miscarriage, too. But, with some wonderful specialists and God, I went on to carry two more babies and both were born and alive and very much embedded in my heart.

According to my math, I am a mother of 5. I have only held three in my arms, but I hold 5 in my heart.

I just want all of you who are mothers to know that I see you.

If this is a day of celebration for you, Happy Mother’s Day!

If this is a day of mourning for you, Happy Mother’s Day!

To all of the wonderful women out there who long to have children, Happy Mother’s Day!

To all of the women who have stepped in the gap and loved children, Happy Mother’s Day!

May all of us be celebrated today and everyday for the wonderful women that we are.


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